Highlights from Puerto Rico

I was so excited that we were going to go to Puerto Rico. I've never been on a real vacation (unless you count South Dakota when I was 8, which I only remember bits and pieces of), and Cody and I didn't take a honeymoon after the wedding, so we finally got a chance to when we found out that Cody's best friend, Emily, was getting married in Puerto Rico.

I completely underestimated just how humid and hot it would be down there. I have realized that I do not like feeling sticky and gross after walking out the door, lol. I have a new appreciation of how dry it is here in Colorado. Even though I didn't completely enjoy the weather there, I still had a great time.

The view from our room was amazing!! I loved waking up to seeing the beautiful ocean every morning.

Seeing how much fun Cody had while swimming in the ocean made me so happy.
This may not be a great part of my trip, but it influenced me not going into the ocean again. Here's a picture of the jellyfish sting that I got the first day. Cody spent the whole day trying to talk me into going to the ocean and I told him something bad was going to happen. Guess what, I was right.

We found a light house our first day and it was beautiful there.
Emily was an amazingly beautiful Bride!
The sunset at the wedding was the most gorgeous sunset that I have seen in my life.

It was the most romantic setting to be with my love at.

Over all I had a great time! I have so many great memories and I'm glad I got to share them with amazing people.

I just want to be okay.

The past few days have been some of the hardest that I've had to deal with in a long time. As you know, I've been dealing with going to the doctors for the tendonitis in my wrist off and on for about a year now. Within that year, ther have been periodic medical leave of absences that I've be required to take from work to try and make myself better, along with going to 2 hand surgeons, 2 physical therapists, getting an MRI done, going to a rehabilitative specialist, and an occupational therapist. Let's just say it's been an exhausting journey, but I'm now a pro at being patient while in a waiting room, lol.

Well, the doctors visits part of my journey seems to have come to an end, which in most cases would be a good thing, but in this case it is devastating. My last appointment was this past Monday and the doctor informed me that since my tendonitis has not improved much at all that I can no longer be a massage therapist. Just like that. With that sentence he effectively ended my career that I love so much. I honestly figured that after getting into massage therapy that I would never have to do anything else. It is something that I love to do and was good at. I know it is rare to be able to do what you love for a living, and that I was lucky to be able to find that, but now I have to start all over. All of my schooling and passion was only put into use for a year and a half, and now it's being thrown away, and I have no control over this.

I feel like my life is crumbling down around me, although I do have a few constants. One being my husband who I know will always be here for me, and the other being God, who is the biggest support to lean on, confide in, and cry to.

I honestly don't know what the next step in my professional life is going to be, and I'm stressed out and freaked out by that. I don't want to have to start over. I want to be able to complain about getting up early to go to a job that I love, because even though I am not a morning person, I was fine once I got to work and was able to start helping people. It was worth it. I would rather do that than anything else.

I'm hoping that this experience ends up making me a stronger person and that I learn a lot through it. Hopefully everything will be okay soon.

Devastating Loss

This past year has been mixed with so much good and so much tragedy. The good has been getting married to my amazing husband, and having a fulfilling career. The bad is that my family has been shrinking at a dramatic rate. Last spring I lost my grandfather to cancer, which has been really hard on me, and then a few months later one of my aunts passed away from an infection from a cut in her leg. The most recent and heartbreaking happened yesterday. My 17 year old cousin died.

Taylor has always struggled with health issues and has always fought past them, which is part of why I didn't see this coming. When he was 2 he was diagnosed with leukemia and eventually made it into remission. When he was in elementary school he was put on kidney dialysis for a few years, and again, eventually was allowed to go back to normal life. As far as I know, he has been generally healthy for the most part for the last couple of years. Well, about a month and a half to two months ago we were told that he was in the ICU due to pneumonia. The pneumonia eventually went away, but his kidneys had started shutting down so they put him back on dialysis. They eventually had to put him back on a respirator as well. I don't know what it was that eventually took him as of yet, but I wish he would not have had to suffer so much of his short life.

T was an amazing kid. I haven't got to be around him much the past few years since he had moved to Missouri with his mom and sister, but before they moved, when I was in high school, I would go over to their house every single day after school. I loved being around him, even if he was just doing things like playing a video game by himself. He was so independent. I remember getting out of school early the day he was born. Before he was born I only had one other cousin who is 4 years older than me, so this meant I got to be the cool older cousin for once and try to be there for him. I'm going to miss baby sitting him and his sister, and looking forward to seeing him those random times he would come out to stay with his dad.

I'm struggling with the confusion of not knowing why someones life would be cut so short with so much suffering. I keep asking God, but I'm not blaming Him. I know there is pain, suffering and death in the world because of sin, and that God doesn't want us to struggle or hurt in any way. I'm trying to just lean on God for his comfort because I know he is right here with me, carrying me through this extremely difficult time.