Devastating Loss

This past year has been mixed with so much good and so much tragedy. The good has been getting married to my amazing husband, and having a fulfilling career. The bad is that my family has been shrinking at a dramatic rate. Last spring I lost my grandfather to cancer, which has been really hard on me, and then a few months later one of my aunts passed away from an infection from a cut in her leg. The most recent and heartbreaking happened yesterday. My 17 year old cousin died.

Taylor has always struggled with health issues and has always fought past them, which is part of why I didn't see this coming. When he was 2 he was diagnosed with leukemia and eventually made it into remission. When he was in elementary school he was put on kidney dialysis for a few years, and again, eventually was allowed to go back to normal life. As far as I know, he has been generally healthy for the most part for the last couple of years. Well, about a month and a half to two months ago we were told that he was in the ICU due to pneumonia. The pneumonia eventually went away, but his kidneys had started shutting down so they put him back on dialysis. They eventually had to put him back on a respirator as well. I don't know what it was that eventually took him as of yet, but I wish he would not have had to suffer so much of his short life.

T was an amazing kid. I haven't got to be around him much the past few years since he had moved to Missouri with his mom and sister, but before they moved, when I was in high school, I would go over to their house every single day after school. I loved being around him, even if he was just doing things like playing a video game by himself. He was so independent. I remember getting out of school early the day he was born. Before he was born I only had one other cousin who is 4 years older than me, so this meant I got to be the cool older cousin for once and try to be there for him. I'm going to miss baby sitting him and his sister, and looking forward to seeing him those random times he would come out to stay with his dad.

I'm struggling with the confusion of not knowing why someones life would be cut so short with so much suffering. I keep asking God, but I'm not blaming Him. I know there is pain, suffering and death in the world because of sin, and that God doesn't want us to struggle or hurt in any way. I'm trying to just lean on God for his comfort because I know he is right here with me, carrying me through this extremely difficult time.

Good things are happening!

So, I'm thinking things may be looking up for me right now. A week ago I had a doctors appointment about my wrist and he told me that I could go back to work for a month to see how my wrist holds up and then come back in a month to see how things are going. I stopped by work after that appointment to tell my boss the good news and she called up the owner to let her know and to see when I could be put back on the schedule. Well, she wasn't sure if there were any policies with corporate about if I needed extra training or anything before I could be put back on the schedule, so she wanted to look into that before she gave me a definitive answer. Well, I've been waiting a week and they finally got back to me today. It doesn't look like I will be needing any extra training, so they are going to put me back on as soon as they set up my schedule. The only downside to this is that my shifts are going to be shorter for the time being, and I'm not going to have as many of them as I did before. It's good because hopefully easing me back in will be good for my wrist, but bad because I am an adult who was relying on what I was making before. I am excited, but sometimes it's hard for me to not see both the bad and good in the situation. I should be hearing back from them some time this week about when I can come back and what my schedule will look like. Yey! I have felt so lost and useless and stir crazy seeing that it has been almost 12 weeks since I have gone to work so this is great!! I'll let you guys know how it goes once I start back. I'm hoping that there won't be too much to worry about in terms of my wrist and pain. At least they are giving me breaks in between every massage that I do so that I have time to ice, so that will help. Sorry if this entry jumped around a little bit, but I'm excited, so that's what happens, lol.

The Miracle of Life

Yesterday was the day that I had the most amazing experience I've ever had in my life. I got the be part of a new little life coming into existence. I am extremely blessed to have been able to share this extremely personal experience with two of my closest friends, Micah and Ryanne. I've known Micah since we were 15 years old. We have the same birthday and have spent most of the last 11 of them doing something to celebrate together, and since he has been married to Ryanne I have got to enjoy knowing her and learning from her wisdom, and creating our own fun memories together.

Ryanne was induced Thursday night. We got to the hospital around 7 and waited for the nurse to come get us for about an hour. Once we were taken back to the room they did all the vitals and started administrating the drugs that would induce the labor to begin. Ryanne and I of course had to make she we were able to watch Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice, so we tried to pay attention through all of the people coming in and out of the room. We spent most of the night watching tv and waiting for anything happen. Oh, and watching "sleeping beauty" (Micah) sleep away 6 good hours of sleep (lucky him). Most of the night was fairly uneventful.

Ryanne's birthing plan was to use something called hypnobabies, and from what I saw of her it really seemed to help. She was to calm and in control through her contractions, just closing her eyes, sitting up and breathing through them. Her contractions gradually got closer together and more intense throughout Friday, and she handled them with so much grace the entire time.

They finally called the doctor around 6ish and the serious contractions began, along with the pushing. Even though Ryanne was exhausted, she fought through all the pain. Being right there beside her to hold her hand and bring cold washcloths was as close as I can imagine you can get to the birthing process, aside from delivering the baby or being the one in labor. Seeing baby Emilia Katherine arrive was the most miraculous, magical thing ever. I definitely have a new understanding of the birthing process (anyone who has had a baby or been in the room knows what I'm talking about), and learned and experienced a lot through this. Like I said before, I feel extremely blessed for being allowed to be a part of the whole process, the long hours of waiting and all of the action. God is so miraculous and I have a better sense of his bigness now.

I have a new respect and awe for Ryanne, and even though I have always seen her as an extremely strong woman, I feel like she is even stronger than I thought before. Ryanne, you did amazing and got through some extremely painful and exhausting moments, but you did it!!

Congratulations to Micah, Ryanne, Gabby, and the newest member of the family, Mia!