Facts About Infertility- Guest Post

My dear friend from my internet support group wrote an amazing post on her blog (http://invisiblefinishline.blogspot.com) with some great information about infertility and she allowed me to post it below. Her blog is amazing and I encourage you to look through it.

National Infertility Awareness Week 2013 is only 6 days away (edited: Posted on Bonnie's blog on Day 6 of NIAW)! Below are status messages I've put together for Facebook, and you're welcome to borrow them. I plan to do one or 2 a day, and also plan to have spontaneous messages if a conversation is sparked in the comments or if someone asked something specific either publicly or privately. Last year, on the last day, I offered to answer any questions any one had. The only rules: be respectful and polite, and I'm free to refrain from answering something publicly

• Thursday, April 18^th: Sunday marks the beginning of National Infertility Awareness Week. This is an issue that is obviously close to my heart, but I also respect that it can be an uncomfortable topic for people. I understand if you choose to hide my feed this week, but I will assure you that you’ll learn something valuable. We all know someone dealing with infertility, and I hope to give facts, insight, and tips in hopes of helping my friends and family support others who’ve lost a piece of themselves to IF.
• Happy NIAW 2013! This is an important time for us as a community to raise awareness and allow our voices to be heard. Please feel welcome to comment and ask questions at any time. I’m fortunate to be part of an online community of amazing women with a huge variety of experiences, and they’re invited to jump in at any time with anything they feel willing to share. I only ask that everyone please keep conversations polite and respectful.
• Infertility is a disease that affects 1 in 8 American couples – roughly 12% of our population. Infertility is defined by the inability to conceive within 1 year of trying if the female partner is under 35. Over the age of 35, infertility can be considered after 6 months. Statistically, infertility is caused by a female issue in 30% of cases, a male issue in 30%, a combined issue in about 20% and the remainder of cases are unexplained.
• Testing to diagnose the cause of infertility involves – at the very least – blood work at two different and specific parts of the female partner’s cycle, a sonogram of the fallopian tubes, and a sperm analysis for the male partner.  The testing can be ordered by an OB/gyn, but the proper specialist to interpret the results, form the plan of action, and treat infertility (including through the prescription of Clomid) is a reproductive endocrinologist. Often in cases where male factor infertility is a concern, a urologist will be consulted. Consult with your OB/gyn or insurance company for providers in your area.
• Despite the fact that infertility is a disease of the reproductive system, very few patients have coverage through their insurance companies. Only 15 states mandate varying degrees of coverage, and employers are often able to exempt themselves through loopholes. This leaves most couples paying out of pocket for their testing and care.
• The cost of infertility depends on the treatment plan. Most infertility treatments involve hormones and/or other drugs for ovarian stimulation. These are often not covered by insurance and can cost anywhere from a couple hundred to a few thousand dollars per cycle. Intra-Uterine Insemination (IUI), which is a relatively non-invasive treatment, carries an average cost of $865, and generally gives only a 10-15% chance at success. In-Vitro Fertilization (IVF), which is an invasive surgical procedure involving anesthesia for the female partner, costs an average of over $12,000 for a single cycle, and this may not include the thousands of dollars in medications needed. Donor sperm, donor eggs, and a manual fertilization procedure called ICSI serve only to increase these costs, making infertility treatment a financial hardship and sacrifice for most couples. Surrogacy is reported to cost a couple as much at $100,000.
• There are a lot of misconceptions when it comes to infertility treatment. First, the goal is to create one baby, not multiples.  Stories like those of Octomom and Kate Gosselin are examples of irresponsible medicine and the ignoring of specialist advice. While certain procedures certainly raise the likelihood of multiples, this risk is carefully weighed against the goal to succeed with achieving pregnancy while not compromising the health of the mother or her potential fetus(es). Secondly, treatments are not always successful, unfortunately, and even with multiple rounds of IVF (which generally only comes with about a 40-50% success rate, at best), sometimes a pregnancy is never achieved.
• “Just adopt” and “adopt and you’ll get pregnant” are things that couples who struggle with infertility hear often from friends and family, and can be very hurtful. Adoption is not an easy road, and it can cost twice as much as a single cycle of IVF, depending on the type of adoption chosen. While it offers an opportunity to parent, it doesn’t cure infertility or address the associated feelings of inadequacy and loss of biological lineage. Everyone knows someone who knows someone who’s adopted and then found themselves blessed with a spontaneous pregnancy, but that doesn’t happen for the majority of infertile adoptive parents, and it certainly shouldn’t be a driving reason to pursue adoption. It is a very personal decision, and should be chosen as a positive end to a couple’s infertility and not viewed as a second-rate option.
• Choosing to live childfree is another valid positive choice as resolution to a couple’s infertility. Choosing childfree after IF means walking away from treatments and adoption, and embracing life with your partner as a family of two. While a couple is no longer going through the emotional roller coaster of treatment or the adoption process, there are still great losses, and they will be experienced throughout the couple’s lifetime. For insight on a couple’s personal experience choosing childfree after infertility, I highly recommend Sweet Grapes by Jean and Michael Carter as a great resource.
• Infertility is something that is often not understood by a couple’s family and friends. Even though 12% of the population is directly affected, it’s often not talked about, and so friends and family may say things that are minimizing, hurtful , or offensive to the couple without realizing it. RESOLVE offers many resources, including “Infertility Etiquette” and Q&A for friends and family. http://www.resolve.org/support-and-services/for-family--friends/

Our Infertility Journey- National Infertility Awareness Week 2013

I shared this painful part of mine and Cody's journey last year for National Infertility Awareness Week, and I felt I was able to help a few people feel less alone, so I wanted to repost again for this year's NIAW.  Feel free to comment below or send me a private message via Facebook.

Cody and I got married in September of 2009. A few months later (January of 2010) we decided that we were ready to start trying to expand our family. I wasn't naive enough to think that we would get pregnant right away, but after a while I was starting to get impatient. I have always had a history of crazy cycles, and I was going through another weird spurt, so I decided in October to go see my OBGYN to figure out what was going on. She did a series of tests that led to a diagnosis of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). Basically what that means is that I have many cysts on my ovaries at all times (last time I was checked there were over 20 on each ovary). The way my body responds to PCOS is by not ovulating (releasing an egg), which makes a bit of a road block in trying to conceive. 

I tried for about 7 months to try to get the PCOS under control by taking meds and tweaking my diet a little. I knew that it is very common for it to take even a perfectly healthy couple 12 months to concieve, so I wasn't too worried. In June of 2011 I finally (after 1 yr and 5 months of trying to have a baby) decided to start the testing process to see if there was anything else going on. Through a series of tests, my OBGYN decided that it would be best to refer me to a Reproductive Endocinologist/RE (also known as a fertility specialist). We met with the RE that same month, and discovered that along with PCOS, I also had a polyp that was blocking my right fallopian tube and a uterine septum. Those two things create a not so lovely environment for a baby to live in (which could be the reason for a very early miscarriage that we had before we were trying to get pregnant), so we scheduled surgery for the following month.  After the surgery we had to wait about 2 months before being allowed to try again so that I could recover fully. We also found out shortly after that that I have a genetic blood condition called MTHFR. It is a condition that causes my blood to clot easily, which when trying to conceive a baby causes the tiny little capillaries to clot of before being fully formed, which cuts off the blood supply to the baby and causes miscarriage. Thankfully this condition is easily treated with pills, but it was still another speed bump that we weren't aware we were going to have to deal with.

We tried our first medicated IUI (intrauterine insemination) cycle in September of 2011.  My body didn't respond well enough to the meds to go forward with the cycle, so we ended up cancelling the IUI. We were able to do our first actual IUI the following month, after adding weeks of injections to the treatment. We found out at the end of October that the treatment didn't work, and I was devastated. We decided to wait a few months before starting another cycle, both so I could have a mental break, and so we could pay off the previous cycle so that we wouldn't just be going into debt.

We tried our 2nd IUI this in March of 2012 and found out 2 weeks later that that cycle did not work as well. We decided as a couple that we aren't going to pursue any more treatment options after a year of multiple tests, diagnoses, surgery, ultrasounds, meds, injections and treatments.  

Even before Cody and I were aware that we were going to have any issues trying to conceive we had talked about eventually adopting because there are so many children in need of homes and loving parents, so we spent the last year getting certified to be foster parents and we will hopefully be growing our family through that process.

I hope as you are reading this that if you are struggling with trying to conceive that you would find someone to talk to, or even just find comfort knowing that you are not alone in this journey.

We are certified!... oh, and we became parents this week!

Well, it's official-- we are officially certified foster parents!!  Need proof?   Well, our world was turned upside down this week with our very first foster placement.

This week has been both the best and worst week of my life. Cody and I were told last Friday that we were officially certified with the state. Saturday morning we received our first call. That one didn't end up working because a family member said they were available. Sunday afternoon we got another call for an almost 4 year old child, which was older than what Cody and I are willing to take right now, so we had to say no. We thought it was crazy that we had had two calls within a few days of being certified.

Around 9:30 Sunday night we got another call saying that there was a 12 week old baby girl available (who I will be reffing to as Ladybug). We told our worker that we would love to take her in. She arrived at our front door around 1:30 in the morning Sunday night/Monday morning.  I may be a little partial, but she seriously is one one the prettiest babies I've ever seen, and I've been around a ton of them with my mom running a daycare most of my life.

littlest fingers!

The first night was pretty hard with her arriving late and her sleep being off.  She would only sleep about 30-45 minutes at a time, which made for one tired mommy the rest of the day Monday. Ladybug and I spent some quality time together that day trying to figure out each other and how our routine was going to be. Napping was a hit and miss, but snuggle time was amazing.

That evening our amazing friend Nathalie came over to help me figure out swaddling. I had worked at it all day and just could not get it to where her arms wouldn't escape.  Because of her great technique Ladybug was able to get some very good sleep. She was sleeping between 3-5 hour stretches while she was swaddled.

tiny toes!

Ladybug is a very happy baby and only cries a little when she is hungry or needs a diaper change. She is a very, very amazing child, and has made a huge impact on us! She is what made Cody and I become real parents for the first time in our lives.

When there is an emergency placement like Ladybug was the state requires a placement hearing within a few days of it. Her hearing was on Wednesday. We got the call from the county social worker late that afternoon letting us know that her grandparents had gone to the hearing and were requesting that Ladybug be placed with them. I completely broke down sobbing in the office at work. I rushed home as quickly as I could (longest commute home from work ever!) so that I could spend as much time as possible with the sweet little girl. I basically spent from 4pm Wednesday afternoon to 10:00pm Thursday night sobbing off and on.

Driving Ladybug to the child services office yesterday and handing her over to the social worker is the hardest thing that I have ever had to do in my entire life. I know that we only had met her not even 4 days prior, but we love her so much! I did not want to let her go, but I knew that I had to. She was not ours to keep, and God has some sort of plan for both her and Cody and I.  I'm trying very hard to find comfort in that, but it is very hard for me to do.

I am dealing with it better today, and Cody and I have put our names back on the open list to wait for another placement starting this upcoming Monday. I know that we will get the opportunity to provide a safe, loving home to another child and that gives me something to look forward to.