Facts About Infertility- Guest Post

My dear friend from my internet support group wrote an amazing post on her blog (http://invisiblefinishline.blogspot.com) with some great information about infertility and she allowed me to post it below. Her blog is amazing and I encourage you to look through it.

National Infertility Awareness Week 2013 is only 6 days away (edited: Posted on Bonnie's blog on Day 6 of NIAW)! Below are status messages I've put together for Facebook, and you're welcome to borrow them. I plan to do one or 2 a day, and also plan to have spontaneous messages if a conversation is sparked in the comments or if someone asked something specific either publicly or privately. Last year, on the last day, I offered to answer any questions any one had. The only rules: be respectful and polite, and I'm free to refrain from answering something publicly

• Thursday, April 18^th: Sunday marks the beginning of National Infertility Awareness Week. This is an issue that is obviously close to my heart, but I also respect that it can be an uncomfortable topic for people. I understand if you choose to hide my feed this week, but I will assure you that you’ll learn something valuable. We all know someone dealing with infertility, and I hope to give facts, insight, and tips in hopes of helping my friends and family support others who’ve lost a piece of themselves to IF.
• Happy NIAW 2013! This is an important time for us as a community to raise awareness and allow our voices to be heard. Please feel welcome to comment and ask questions at any time. I’m fortunate to be part of an online community of amazing women with a huge variety of experiences, and they’re invited to jump in at any time with anything they feel willing to share. I only ask that everyone please keep conversations polite and respectful.
• Infertility is a disease that affects 1 in 8 American couples – roughly 12% of our population. Infertility is defined by the inability to conceive within 1 year of trying if the female partner is under 35. Over the age of 35, infertility can be considered after 6 months. Statistically, infertility is caused by a female issue in 30% of cases, a male issue in 30%, a combined issue in about 20% and the remainder of cases are unexplained.
• Testing to diagnose the cause of infertility involves – at the very least – blood work at two different and specific parts of the female partner’s cycle, a sonogram of the fallopian tubes, and a sperm analysis for the male partner.  The testing can be ordered by an OB/gyn, but the proper specialist to interpret the results, form the plan of action, and treat infertility (including through the prescription of Clomid) is a reproductive endocrinologist. Often in cases where male factor infertility is a concern, a urologist will be consulted. Consult with your OB/gyn or insurance company for providers in your area.
• Despite the fact that infertility is a disease of the reproductive system, very few patients have coverage through their insurance companies. Only 15 states mandate varying degrees of coverage, and employers are often able to exempt themselves through loopholes. This leaves most couples paying out of pocket for their testing and care.
• The cost of infertility depends on the treatment plan. Most infertility treatments involve hormones and/or other drugs for ovarian stimulation. These are often not covered by insurance and can cost anywhere from a couple hundred to a few thousand dollars per cycle. Intra-Uterine Insemination (IUI), which is a relatively non-invasive treatment, carries an average cost of $865, and generally gives only a 10-15% chance at success. In-Vitro Fertilization (IVF), which is an invasive surgical procedure involving anesthesia for the female partner, costs an average of over $12,000 for a single cycle, and this may not include the thousands of dollars in medications needed. Donor sperm, donor eggs, and a manual fertilization procedure called ICSI serve only to increase these costs, making infertility treatment a financial hardship and sacrifice for most couples. Surrogacy is reported to cost a couple as much at $100,000.
• There are a lot of misconceptions when it comes to infertility treatment. First, the goal is to create one baby, not multiples.  Stories like those of Octomom and Kate Gosselin are examples of irresponsible medicine and the ignoring of specialist advice. While certain procedures certainly raise the likelihood of multiples, this risk is carefully weighed against the goal to succeed with achieving pregnancy while not compromising the health of the mother or her potential fetus(es). Secondly, treatments are not always successful, unfortunately, and even with multiple rounds of IVF (which generally only comes with about a 40-50% success rate, at best), sometimes a pregnancy is never achieved.
• “Just adopt” and “adopt and you’ll get pregnant” are things that couples who struggle with infertility hear often from friends and family, and can be very hurtful. Adoption is not an easy road, and it can cost twice as much as a single cycle of IVF, depending on the type of adoption chosen. While it offers an opportunity to parent, it doesn’t cure infertility or address the associated feelings of inadequacy and loss of biological lineage. Everyone knows someone who knows someone who’s adopted and then found themselves blessed with a spontaneous pregnancy, but that doesn’t happen for the majority of infertile adoptive parents, and it certainly shouldn’t be a driving reason to pursue adoption. It is a very personal decision, and should be chosen as a positive end to a couple’s infertility and not viewed as a second-rate option.
• Choosing to live childfree is another valid positive choice as resolution to a couple’s infertility. Choosing childfree after IF means walking away from treatments and adoption, and embracing life with your partner as a family of two. While a couple is no longer going through the emotional roller coaster of treatment or the adoption process, there are still great losses, and they will be experienced throughout the couple’s lifetime. For insight on a couple’s personal experience choosing childfree after infertility, I highly recommend Sweet Grapes by Jean and Michael Carter as a great resource.
• Infertility is something that is often not understood by a couple’s family and friends. Even though 12% of the population is directly affected, it’s often not talked about, and so friends and family may say things that are minimizing, hurtful , or offensive to the couple without realizing it. RESOLVE offers many resources, including “Infertility Etiquette” and Q&A for friends and family. http://www.resolve.org/support-and-services/for-family--friends/

Our Infertility Journey- National Infertility Awareness Week 2013

I shared this painful part of mine and Cody's journey last year for National Infertility Awareness Week, and I felt I was able to help a few people feel less alone, so I wanted to repost again for this year's NIAW.  Feel free to comment below or send me a private message via Facebook.

Cody and I got married in September of 2009. A few months later (January of 2010) we decided that we were ready to start trying to expand our family. I wasn't naive enough to think that we would get pregnant right away, but after a while I was starting to get impatient. I have always had a history of crazy cycles, and I was going through another weird spurt, so I decided in October to go see my OBGYN to figure out what was going on. She did a series of tests that led to a diagnosis of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). Basically what that means is that I have many cysts on my ovaries at all times (last time I was checked there were over 20 on each ovary). The way my body responds to PCOS is by not ovulating (releasing an egg), which makes a bit of a road block in trying to conceive. 

I tried for about 7 months to try to get the PCOS under control by taking meds and tweaking my diet a little. I knew that it is very common for it to take even a perfectly healthy couple 12 months to concieve, so I wasn't too worried. In June of 2011 I finally (after 1 yr and 5 months of trying to have a baby) decided to start the testing process to see if there was anything else going on. Through a series of tests, my OBGYN decided that it would be best to refer me to a Reproductive Endocinologist/RE (also known as a fertility specialist). We met with the RE that same month, and discovered that along with PCOS, I also had a polyp that was blocking my right fallopian tube and a uterine septum. Those two things create a not so lovely environment for a baby to live in (which could be the reason for a very early miscarriage that we had before we were trying to get pregnant), so we scheduled surgery for the following month.  After the surgery we had to wait about 2 months before being allowed to try again so that I could recover fully. We also found out shortly after that that I have a genetic blood condition called MTHFR. It is a condition that causes my blood to clot easily, which when trying to conceive a baby causes the tiny little capillaries to clot of before being fully formed, which cuts off the blood supply to the baby and causes miscarriage. Thankfully this condition is easily treated with pills, but it was still another speed bump that we weren't aware we were going to have to deal with.

We tried our first medicated IUI (intrauterine insemination) cycle in September of 2011.  My body didn't respond well enough to the meds to go forward with the cycle, so we ended up cancelling the IUI. We were able to do our first actual IUI the following month, after adding weeks of injections to the treatment. We found out at the end of October that the treatment didn't work, and I was devastated. We decided to wait a few months before starting another cycle, both so I could have a mental break, and so we could pay off the previous cycle so that we wouldn't just be going into debt.

We tried our 2nd IUI this in March of 2012 and found out 2 weeks later that that cycle did not work as well. We decided as a couple that we aren't going to pursue any more treatment options after a year of multiple tests, diagnoses, surgery, ultrasounds, meds, injections and treatments.  

Even before Cody and I were aware that we were going to have any issues trying to conceive we had talked about eventually adopting because there are so many children in need of homes and loving parents, so we spent the last year getting certified to be foster parents and we will hopefully be growing our family through that process.

I hope as you are reading this that if you are struggling with trying to conceive that you would find someone to talk to, or even just find comfort knowing that you are not alone in this journey.

Right Place- Right Time

This past weekend I attended my church's annual women's retreat, and for once I really felt like I was supposed to be there. To be completely honest, I'm not always a big fan of the retreat. I love the idea of it, but it's not always enough. I went on it two years ago and did not really enjoy it. For some reason I didn't have much fun, and didn't get much out of it. That experience kept me from even considering going last year (although, even if I had wanted to, we actually were out of town that weekend for a wedding). Well, Cody pulled rank this year and turned in my payment the first day registration was open, so I didn't have much choice, lol.  I was still very nervous about how my weekend would go, especially because my security blanket friends were not going to be there and I really didn't have anything to fall back on except a good book. 

The weekend started off great by sharing the car ride down to the retreat with some amazing ladies that are in our church small group. It was nice getting to know them a little bit more, and sharing a great meal with them. I got to room with them as well, so it was nice to be around familiar faces. 

Every women's retreat is laid out fairly the same. There is a large group meeting time with a guest speaker, some free time with some activities, and small groups that meet after the speaker speaks. I really feel like God kind of lined my group up for me this time. It was a mixture of a few people that I already knew, and a couple that I didn't. Well, out of the 3 people that I didn't know, one of them has adopted and one of them has been doing foster care for 7 years! (Her and her husband have also done some training through Project 1.27, so it was nice not to have to explain what it was to her.)  There is also one girl that I already know who just started their home study for international adoption.  I do not think that the ladies that set up the groups knew that there was this connection with most of us, but it was super cool. I'm very grateful that I now have someone with a lot of fostering experience to talk to, because where I am still very appreciative to have all the people that I know who are or have adopted, there is a big part of fostering that they just can't relate to without experiencing it themselves. Cody also had the opportunity to meet this lady's husband at a BBQ that he went to over the weekend. It's just crazy how all of this just lined right up for us. 

I am thoroughly convinced that our church is a magnet for people who have done some sort of adoption related activity, even though I doubt the majority of them are even aware of how many people there are. I have a tiny inside window with Cody being on staff, he just has an opportunity to meet more people and hear their stories. There are at least 6-7 couples that I can think of off the top of my head, and I think I may have heard of 2-3 more. That is a pretty good number when our church isn't very big to begin with. I just love this tiny little community!!!

In addition to the foster care related stuff, I also had the opportunity to be there for a friend who is going through some  possible infertility stuff as well. I know having a person to talk to about that stuff was huge for me and really helped me feel not as alone, so I really hope that I am able to help this person feel the same thing and that she would feel supported as well.

I'm very glad that Cody basically made me go on the retreat this year. Not only did I meet some great new people, get poured into and hopefully poured out of, but I also had a lot of fun!

 UPDATE ON OUR JOURNEY AND PRAYER REQUESTS

We are getting closer to the home study! We had a little hiccup when we turned in our application to the program that we are working through (Project 1.27). They let me know that everything looked great, but I had missed a page. Oops!! Luckily, it was a page that did not need to be signed, so I just filled it out on the computer and was able to email it to them. I was informed that they had finalized their review of it and were mailing it back to us today. Once we get it we can officially turn it in to our foster care agency (Maple Star), and from what I understand our next step will be setting up our first home study meeting! I am both scared and feel peaceful about this process. It's an odd feeling, feeling two opposites at the exact same time.

Here are our prayer requests at this time. Some of them are a repeat of my last post, but still very valid. I'd like to ask you to pray that our home study goes smoothly and quickly, that I would be thinking of less "what-ifs" and be able to be more comfortable with going with the flow of this process, and that Cody and I would be able to support each other well through this process. I also need prayer about how to prioritize my time in order to get our apartment organized before the actual home visit.  I'd also like prayer for how I can be there for the friend that I mentioned above- specifically that I wouldn't be too overbearing, but also wouldn't be absent when she needs someone, and that the right words would come out of my mouth.

I appreciate you all. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Our Bumpy Road to Parenthood

Wow, so it's been a year and a half since I last blogged. A lot has happened since then, and is a huge reason why I haven't come here in a while. I knew that I wouldn't be able to help myself and would post some aspects of my private life that I wasn't ready to share publicly yet. Well, I have come to the point in my journey where I truly feel like my story should be out there, and will hopefully give comfort to other people and let them know that they are not alone.

Cody and I got married in September of 2009. A few months later (January of 2010) we decided that we were ready to start trying to expand our family. I wasn't naive enough to think that we would get pregnant right away, but after a while I was starting to get impatient. I have always had a history of crazy cycles, and I was going through another weird spurt, so I decided in October to go see my OBGYN to figure out what was going on. She did a series of tests that led to a diagnosis of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). Basically what that means is that I have many cysts on my ovaries at all times (last time I was checked there were over 20 on each ovary). The way my body responds to PCOS is by not ovulating (releasing an egg), which makes a bit of a road block in trying to conceive. 

I tried for about 7 months to try to get the PCOS under control by taking meds and tweaking my diet a little. I knew that it is very common for it to take even a perfectly healthy couple 12 months to concieve, so I wasn't too worried. In June of 2011 I finally (after 1 yr and 5 months of trying to have a baby) decided to start the testing process to see if there was anything else going on. Through a series of tests, my OBGYN decided that it would be best to refer me to a Reproductive Endocinologist/RE (also known as a fertility specialist). We met with the RE that same month, and discovered that along with PCOS, I also had a polyp that was blocking my right fallopian tube and a uterine septum. Those two things create a not so lovely environment for a baby to live in (which could be the reason for a very early miscarriage that we had before we were trying to get pregnant), so we scheduled surgery for the following month.  After the surgery we had to wait about 2 months before being allowed to try again so that I could recover fully. We also found out shortly after that that I have a genetic blood condition called MTHFR. It is a condition that causes my blood to clot easily, which when trying to conceive a baby causes the tiny little capillaries to clot of before being fully formed, which cuts off the blood supply to the baby and causes miscarriage. Thankfully this condition is easily treated with pills, but it was still another speed bump that we weren't aware we were going to have to deal with.

We tried our first medicated IUI (intrauterine insemination) cycle in September of 2011.  My body didn't respond well enough to the meds to go forward with the cycle, so we ended up cancelling the IUI. We were able to do our first actual IUI the following month, after adding weeks of injections to the treatment. We found out at the end of October that the treatment didn't work, and I was devastated. We decided to wait a few months before starting another cycle, both so I could have a mental break, and so we could pay off the previous cycle so that we wouldn't just be going into debt.

We tried our 2nd IUI this past March and found out 2 weeks ago that this one did not work as well. We decided as a couple that we aren't going to pursue any more treatment options at this time, so after multiple tests, diagnoses, surgery, ultrasounds, meds, injections and treatments we have started looking into adoption! Even before Cody and I were aware that we were going to have any issues trying to conceive we had talked about eventually adopting because there are so many children in need of homes and loving parents, so now I guess we are just speeding up our timeline a little bit.

We are fully aware that this journey will most likely be a long one with it's own sets of bumps and successes along the way, but we are very excited to start this part of our story and see where it takes us.