Finally!

I'm so excited! After almost 3 months of looking for a job, I finally got one! And the best thing about it is that it's not retail, but it is still something that I am good at doing. Through the fact that I went to the women's retreat people found out that I was looking for a job and because of that they had their ears open for possible opportunities for me. The funny thing is that 3 people brought up this position to me and I knew that had to be a good thing.

I get to nanny two of the cutest little boys ever. I get to play with kids all day, and get paid for it! I've grown up practically my whole life with my mom running a daycare out of our house and I have pretty strong maternal instincts, so this comes very naturally to me. I'm very grateful to God for providing me with this opportunity and for the amazing family that I get to work with. It's nice knowing that your employer holds the same values and beliefs that you do.

I have a few new stresses that have popped up in my life recently, but I'm glad to know that this one huge thing has been taken off my plate and I can use that energy for other stuff (Like chasing around two boys, lol).

Thank God for perfect timing...

The women's retreat for my church is coming up this weekend, and while I haven't really been too excited about going, I definitely feel like it is coming at the perfect time. I am so stressed out because of the whole not having a job for the past 2 months thing, and spend a lot of time by myself, which can be good at times, but with too much alone time you can start to feel crazy. I am grateful that I will have this weekend to be able to focus on God and hopefully he will help re-center me so that I don't constantly feel like the world is about to implode on me. The theme for the retreat is Joy, which is great because I haven't felt much of that lately.

Time with women has always refueled me, there is just something about being able to let your guard down around people of the same gender that always seems to help. I'm hoping that at the end of this weekend I will have a different outlook on life. Please pray that God would open my heart to hear/learn what he wants me to this weekend.

Highlights from Puerto Rico

I was so excited that we were going to go to Puerto Rico. I've never been on a real vacation (unless you count South Dakota when I was 8, which I only remember bits and pieces of), and Cody and I didn't take a honeymoon after the wedding, so we finally got a chance to when we found out that Cody's best friend, Emily, was getting married in Puerto Rico.

I completely underestimated just how humid and hot it would be down there. I have realized that I do not like feeling sticky and gross after walking out the door, lol. I have a new appreciation of how dry it is here in Colorado. Even though I didn't completely enjoy the weather there, I still had a great time.

The view from our room was amazing!! I loved waking up to seeing the beautiful ocean every morning.

Seeing how much fun Cody had while swimming in the ocean made me so happy.
This may not be a great part of my trip, but it influenced me not going into the ocean again. Here's a picture of the jellyfish sting that I got the first day. Cody spent the whole day trying to talk me into going to the ocean and I told him something bad was going to happen. Guess what, I was right.

We found a light house our first day and it was beautiful there.
Emily was an amazingly beautiful Bride!
The sunset at the wedding was the most gorgeous sunset that I have seen in my life.

It was the most romantic setting to be with my love at.

Over all I had a great time! I have so many great memories and I'm glad I got to share them with amazing people.

I just want to be okay.

The past few days have been some of the hardest that I've had to deal with in a long time. As you know, I've been dealing with going to the doctors for the tendonitis in my wrist off and on for about a year now. Within that year, ther have been periodic medical leave of absences that I've be required to take from work to try and make myself better, along with going to 2 hand surgeons, 2 physical therapists, getting an MRI done, going to a rehabilitative specialist, and an occupational therapist. Let's just say it's been an exhausting journey, but I'm now a pro at being patient while in a waiting room, lol.

Well, the doctors visits part of my journey seems to have come to an end, which in most cases would be a good thing, but in this case it is devastating. My last appointment was this past Monday and the doctor informed me that since my tendonitis has not improved much at all that I can no longer be a massage therapist. Just like that. With that sentence he effectively ended my career that I love so much. I honestly figured that after getting into massage therapy that I would never have to do anything else. It is something that I love to do and was good at. I know it is rare to be able to do what you love for a living, and that I was lucky to be able to find that, but now I have to start all over. All of my schooling and passion was only put into use for a year and a half, and now it's being thrown away, and I have no control over this.

I feel like my life is crumbling down around me, although I do have a few constants. One being my husband who I know will always be here for me, and the other being God, who is the biggest support to lean on, confide in, and cry to.

I honestly don't know what the next step in my professional life is going to be, and I'm stressed out and freaked out by that. I don't want to have to start over. I want to be able to complain about getting up early to go to a job that I love, because even though I am not a morning person, I was fine once I got to work and was able to start helping people. It was worth it. I would rather do that than anything else.

I'm hoping that this experience ends up making me a stronger person and that I learn a lot through it. Hopefully everything will be okay soon.

Devastating Loss

This past year has been mixed with so much good and so much tragedy. The good has been getting married to my amazing husband, and having a fulfilling career. The bad is that my family has been shrinking at a dramatic rate. Last spring I lost my grandfather to cancer, which has been really hard on me, and then a few months later one of my aunts passed away from an infection from a cut in her leg. The most recent and heartbreaking happened yesterday. My 17 year old cousin died.

Taylor has always struggled with health issues and has always fought past them, which is part of why I didn't see this coming. When he was 2 he was diagnosed with leukemia and eventually made it into remission. When he was in elementary school he was put on kidney dialysis for a few years, and again, eventually was allowed to go back to normal life. As far as I know, he has been generally healthy for the most part for the last couple of years. Well, about a month and a half to two months ago we were told that he was in the ICU due to pneumonia. The pneumonia eventually went away, but his kidneys had started shutting down so they put him back on dialysis. They eventually had to put him back on a respirator as well. I don't know what it was that eventually took him as of yet, but I wish he would not have had to suffer so much of his short life.

T was an amazing kid. I haven't got to be around him much the past few years since he had moved to Missouri with his mom and sister, but before they moved, when I was in high school, I would go over to their house every single day after school. I loved being around him, even if he was just doing things like playing a video game by himself. He was so independent. I remember getting out of school early the day he was born. Before he was born I only had one other cousin who is 4 years older than me, so this meant I got to be the cool older cousin for once and try to be there for him. I'm going to miss baby sitting him and his sister, and looking forward to seeing him those random times he would come out to stay with his dad.

I'm struggling with the confusion of not knowing why someones life would be cut so short with so much suffering. I keep asking God, but I'm not blaming Him. I know there is pain, suffering and death in the world because of sin, and that God doesn't want us to struggle or hurt in any way. I'm trying to just lean on God for his comfort because I know he is right here with me, carrying me through this extremely difficult time.

Good things are happening!

So, I'm thinking things may be looking up for me right now. A week ago I had a doctors appointment about my wrist and he told me that I could go back to work for a month to see how my wrist holds up and then come back in a month to see how things are going. I stopped by work after that appointment to tell my boss the good news and she called up the owner to let her know and to see when I could be put back on the schedule. Well, she wasn't sure if there were any policies with corporate about if I needed extra training or anything before I could be put back on the schedule, so she wanted to look into that before she gave me a definitive answer. Well, I've been waiting a week and they finally got back to me today. It doesn't look like I will be needing any extra training, so they are going to put me back on as soon as they set up my schedule. The only downside to this is that my shifts are going to be shorter for the time being, and I'm not going to have as many of them as I did before. It's good because hopefully easing me back in will be good for my wrist, but bad because I am an adult who was relying on what I was making before. I am excited, but sometimes it's hard for me to not see both the bad and good in the situation. I should be hearing back from them some time this week about when I can come back and what my schedule will look like. Yey! I have felt so lost and useless and stir crazy seeing that it has been almost 12 weeks since I have gone to work so this is great!! I'll let you guys know how it goes once I start back. I'm hoping that there won't be too much to worry about in terms of my wrist and pain. At least they are giving me breaks in between every massage that I do so that I have time to ice, so that will help. Sorry if this entry jumped around a little bit, but I'm excited, so that's what happens, lol.

The Miracle of Life

Yesterday was the day that I had the most amazing experience I've ever had in my life. I got the be part of a new little life coming into existence. I am extremely blessed to have been able to share this extremely personal experience with two of my closest friends, Micah and Ryanne. I've known Micah since we were 15 years old. We have the same birthday and have spent most of the last 11 of them doing something to celebrate together, and since he has been married to Ryanne I have got to enjoy knowing her and learning from her wisdom, and creating our own fun memories together.

Ryanne was induced Thursday night. We got to the hospital around 7 and waited for the nurse to come get us for about an hour. Once we were taken back to the room they did all the vitals and started administrating the drugs that would induce the labor to begin. Ryanne and I of course had to make she we were able to watch Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice, so we tried to pay attention through all of the people coming in and out of the room. We spent most of the night watching tv and waiting for anything happen. Oh, and watching "sleeping beauty" (Micah) sleep away 6 good hours of sleep (lucky him). Most of the night was fairly uneventful.

Ryanne's birthing plan was to use something called hypnobabies, and from what I saw of her it really seemed to help. She was to calm and in control through her contractions, just closing her eyes, sitting up and breathing through them. Her contractions gradually got closer together and more intense throughout Friday, and she handled them with so much grace the entire time.

They finally called the doctor around 6ish and the serious contractions began, along with the pushing. Even though Ryanne was exhausted, she fought through all the pain. Being right there beside her to hold her hand and bring cold washcloths was as close as I can imagine you can get to the birthing process, aside from delivering the baby or being the one in labor. Seeing baby Emilia Katherine arrive was the most miraculous, magical thing ever. I definitely have a new understanding of the birthing process (anyone who has had a baby or been in the room knows what I'm talking about), and learned and experienced a lot through this. Like I said before, I feel extremely blessed for being allowed to be a part of the whole process, the long hours of waiting and all of the action. God is so miraculous and I have a better sense of his bigness now.

I have a new respect and awe for Ryanne, and even though I have always seen her as an extremely strong woman, I feel like she is even stronger than I thought before. Ryanne, you did amazing and got through some extremely painful and exhausting moments, but you did it!!

Congratulations to Micah, Ryanne, Gabby, and the newest member of the family, Mia!

Servant's Heart

Today at church we focused on serving our community. I have always had a very strong servant's heart (I was the kid who when in elementary school when asked would volunteer to help the teacher do something during recess instead of going outside to play with my friends). I just love being able to help people (it's part of the reason I am a massage therapist), whether it be something they can't do on their own, or just to get something off of their to do list so they can focus on something more important. Giving of yourself is a very practical way to show God's blessing to people around you, whether you know them or not.

A lot of people think they need to go on an overseas missions trip to do any good. While that is a great thing to do, people need to remember that there are people all around where you live that could use your help every day. Maybe it's someone at your school/workplace. Maybe it's just someone walking behind you at a store who you hold the door for. Or maybe it's someone who lives in the same house as you (mom, dad, siblings, husband or wife). We are so quick to think of loving our neighbors that we tend to forget about and take for granted the people that care about us the most. If we tried to do at least one nice, giving thing for someone in our families I bet that the atmosphere in our homes would change and it would be a more peaceful place.

Also, reaching out to someone you don't know, or hardly know at all could have a HUGE impact on their lives. When they see that someone cared about them enough to do something nice for them it just may inspire them to do something nice for someone else. Plus, even if they don't realize it right away, it shows them God's love and plants a seed in their hearts that hopefully will eventually grow.

I challenge anyone who reads this to take a step outside of their busy lives and do something nice and unexpected for at least one person every day this week. You may be surprised to see that not only will you be blessing those people, but you will also feel blessed by serving others. I would even go as far as to say that you will even be happier in general this week.

Floating Along

I have been so frustrated lately. As a massage therapist I rely on my wrists to be strong and healthy to make my living, but since last June I have been dealing with constant problems with my right wrist. I went through a 10 week period where I was constantly going back and forth between doctors, physical therapists, and specialists. During those 10 weeks I also was not allowed to work, but thanks to worker’s comp I was at least being compensated with some sort of income.

Well, I was allowed to go back to work late last August, even though my wrist wasn’t a back to 100%, but the doctors didn’t want me to lose my conditioning with work. I was pretty much thrilled to be able to go back to work and help make other people feel better. Well, recently I have felt the pain get worse, but I thought for some reason that it would magically get better or something.

It got to the point where it began to get difficult for me to do something like pick up a bottle of juice without feeling a sharp pain, so I brought it up to my employer so that I would be able to go back to the doctor. They put me on an immediate leave of absence, and I’ve started the inevitable trips back and forth to the doctors/physical therapists offices. Well, the doctors said I could start doing one massage a day and work up from there, which made me excited even though it was just a baby step. I let my employer know, and they told me that I can’t be put back on the schedule until I can do three sessions. So now I’m stuck in my fifth week of not working, and because it was my employer that said I couldn’t work and not the doctor I’m having a hard time getting the insurance company to compensate me.

I feel so useless right now, and I want to be able to contribute financially to my household, but since this is a worker’s comp thing I can’t even try to get some lame part-time nothing job to at least bring some type of income in. I want to feel like I’m worth something, and not just a lump floating through life right now doing nothing. I’m so glad that I have a wonderful, supportive husband through all of this, but it’s taking its toll on me, and I’m sure that if it’s not already, it may eventually take a toll on him too. I just hope this all gets resolved soon and my wrist gets better.