We are certified!... oh, and we became parents this week!

Well, it's official-- we are officially certified foster parents!!  Need proof?   Well, our world was turned upside down this week with our very first foster placement.

This week has been both the best and worst week of my life. Cody and I were told last Friday that we were officially certified with the state. Saturday morning we received our first call. That one didn't end up working because a family member said they were available. Sunday afternoon we got another call for an almost 4 year old child, which was older than what Cody and I are willing to take right now, so we had to say no. We thought it was crazy that we had had two calls within a few days of being certified.

Around 9:30 Sunday night we got another call saying that there was a 12 week old baby girl available (who I will be reffing to as Ladybug). We told our worker that we would love to take her in. She arrived at our front door around 1:30 in the morning Sunday night/Monday morning.  I may be a little partial, but she seriously is one one the prettiest babies I've ever seen, and I've been around a ton of them with my mom running a daycare most of my life.

littlest fingers!

The first night was pretty hard with her arriving late and her sleep being off.  She would only sleep about 30-45 minutes at a time, which made for one tired mommy the rest of the day Monday. Ladybug and I spent some quality time together that day trying to figure out each other and how our routine was going to be. Napping was a hit and miss, but snuggle time was amazing.

That evening our amazing friend Nathalie came over to help me figure out swaddling. I had worked at it all day and just could not get it to where her arms wouldn't escape.  Because of her great technique Ladybug was able to get some very good sleep. She was sleeping between 3-5 hour stretches while she was swaddled.

tiny toes!

Ladybug is a very happy baby and only cries a little when she is hungry or needs a diaper change. She is a very, very amazing child, and has made a huge impact on us! She is what made Cody and I become real parents for the first time in our lives.

When there is an emergency placement like Ladybug was the state requires a placement hearing within a few days of it. Her hearing was on Wednesday. We got the call from the county social worker late that afternoon letting us know that her grandparents had gone to the hearing and were requesting that Ladybug be placed with them. I completely broke down sobbing in the office at work. I rushed home as quickly as I could (longest commute home from work ever!) so that I could spend as much time as possible with the sweet little girl. I basically spent from 4pm Wednesday afternoon to 10:00pm Thursday night sobbing off and on.

Driving Ladybug to the child services office yesterday and handing her over to the social worker is the hardest thing that I have ever had to do in my entire life. I know that we only had met her not even 4 days prior, but we love her so much! I did not want to let her go, but I knew that I had to. She was not ours to keep, and God has some sort of plan for both her and Cody and I.  I'm trying very hard to find comfort in that, but it is very hard for me to do.

I am dealing with it better today, and Cody and I have put our names back on the open list to wait for another placement starting this upcoming Monday. I know that we will get the opportunity to provide a safe, loving home to another child and that gives me something to look forward to.

What is Foster Care?-- Q&A time!

image acquired from http://jonesdesigncompany.com

It's come to my attention recently after some questions that have been thrown my way that I haven't spent much time explaining what foster care is to those around me, so I want to take a moment and hopefully give everyone a better understanding as to what Cody and I have gotten ourselves into. 


1. Are foster care and adoption the same thing?

One of the most eye opening questions to me that I've had so far came from my dad. This is when I really realized that I should talk about this more.  He had asked me how the foster care stuff was going and I caught him up. He then asked me how the adoption stuff was going.  That completely threw me off until I realized that he thought that they were mutually exclusive. He knows we are doing foster care and that we want to adopt, but he thought that they just existed exclusively as their own things. While that is mostly true (to adopt you don't have to do foster care, and not everyone who does foster care wants to adopt) that is not the route that we are taking.

We are not traveling two separate paths. We will be foster parents, and when the opportunity arises we are hoping to adopt out of the foster care system.

2. What is foster care?

Foster care is when state approved parents take on the responsibility of caring for a child who has been court appointed to be removed from their home because in that moment their family cannot effectively take care of their child. Foster care is meant to be a temporary solution.

3. How does foster care work?

As stated above, foster care is meant to be a temporary solution. The whole point of foster care is to reunify the child with their parents. Shortly after the child is removed from their home, their parents are given a plan from the court on how to work towards reunification.  Many times that includes regular visits between the birth parents and their child/ren. If the parents work their plan and are able to correct the issues that caused the removal of the children the children will most likely be returned to their home in a much healthier environment than when they left. More than 90% of cases end with reunification of child and birth parent. In the case where the parents do not follow their plan, the court does have the ability to terminate parental rights (TPR).

4. What happens if parental rights are terminated?

If parental rights are terminated, a few things may happen. The child will be legally available for adoption at that point, and as the child's foster parents we can petition to be the adoptive parents. The child's extended family have the right to petition for custody, as well. The state tries its hardest to not have to move a child between too many homes, so hopefully if we come upon this situation that will work in our favor.

5. What happens if the child is reunified with their parents?

This will be one of the hardest things I am expecting to ever go through in my life. When the child is reunified with their parents we will no longer legally be their foster parents. Our home will be available for another placement when we feel like we are ready for it again.

6. You seem to be so busy all the time. What is there that could possibly be taking up all this time?

Foster parents are required to take the child to many appointments. Within the first two weeks the child has to have a doctors appt and a dental appointment. They also may have weekly/biweekly visits with their parents which we are required to transport them to. There is a possibility that they have therapy, physical therapy or occupational therapy appointments that they are required to go to. And if those things don't take up enough time, if the child that is placed with us came from Jefferson County (or somewhere else across town) some of those visits could be close to an hour drive away, each way. Besides the visits/appointments that we will need to take them to, we also get our own set of visits form a whole team of people, and they aren't necessarily on the same days, either. Please be patient with us if it seems like we aren't as available as we currently are as childless adults.

7. While the child lives with you are you legally their parent?

The short answer to this is no. We have absolutely no legal claim over any foster child that lives with us. The state is their official legal guardian. That means that in some ways we cannot treat them like a biological child. Ie: We can't sign medical papers or make serious medical decisions for them. Even to the point that we need to have a signed paper from a doctor stating that we are allowed to give the child even the simplest of medical treatments such as children's tylenol or ear drops. We also cannot sign release forms for things like Monkey Bizness, etc.

8. Can you travel with the child?

A question I'm sure we will get once we are placed is "when are you going to come visit us with that sweet baby?" seeing that the majority of Cody's family live out of state. In some instances, yes we are allowed to travel with the child. This requires us to get written permission from the state, and possibly even approval from their parents, at least 30 days before the trip.

9. Can I baby sit him/her?

There are many rules to answer this question. If I were to need someone to watch our foster child for let's say 2-3 hours while I have an appt then yes, I could leave them with someone who I felt was responsible enough to take care of a baby and it would be my choice.  If I were to need someone to watch the child for over 6 hrs or on a regular basis for less than 6 hrs then they would have to get state approval, which would deem them "respite providers". In order to become a respite provider you have to go through training, be first aid/cpr certified, and have a state and federal background check done. In the event that Cody and I had to go out of state and could not get state approval to take the child with us, a respite provider would be allowed to take the child for the weekend/week/etc that we would be gone.

10. You love taking pictures, I can't wait to see all the cuteness on Facebook!

While babies and photography are two of my favorite things,and I probably will take tons of pictures, we will not be allowed to post even one picture of any foster child that we have until TPR were to happen. Pictures are not allowed to be posted on social networking sites or sent to anyone electronically (grandparents, etc) for the child's protection. It is possible that the child was taken out of an extremely dangerous situation prior to being placed with us and it could potentially put the child (and possibly Cody and I) at risk if their picture was floating around the internet and someone from that dangerous situation were to find it.

This also means that if you happen to take a picture of our child that you are not allowed to post that picture on any social networking sites, as well, even if the child is in the background.

I also will not be using their real name, and will probably have some cute thing made up, like an animal or something. :-)


These are the questions that I could think of to hopefully start educating everyone a little more on what exactly foster care is and the type of stuff that it includes.  I would love for you to post any other questions that you would like answered in the comments below, because I'm sure that there is plenty that I did not address above seeing that foster care is a very detailed process.