I just want to be okay.

The past few days have been some of the hardest that I've had to deal with in a long time. As you know, I've been dealing with going to the doctors for the tendonitis in my wrist off and on for about a year now. Within that year, ther have been periodic medical leave of absences that I've be required to take from work to try and make myself better, along with going to 2 hand surgeons, 2 physical therapists, getting an MRI done, going to a rehabilitative specialist, and an occupational therapist. Let's just say it's been an exhausting journey, but I'm now a pro at being patient while in a waiting room, lol.

Well, the doctors visits part of my journey seems to have come to an end, which in most cases would be a good thing, but in this case it is devastating. My last appointment was this past Monday and the doctor informed me that since my tendonitis has not improved much at all that I can no longer be a massage therapist. Just like that. With that sentence he effectively ended my career that I love so much. I honestly figured that after getting into massage therapy that I would never have to do anything else. It is something that I love to do and was good at. I know it is rare to be able to do what you love for a living, and that I was lucky to be able to find that, but now I have to start all over. All of my schooling and passion was only put into use for a year and a half, and now it's being thrown away, and I have no control over this.

I feel like my life is crumbling down around me, although I do have a few constants. One being my husband who I know will always be here for me, and the other being God, who is the biggest support to lean on, confide in, and cry to.

I honestly don't know what the next step in my professional life is going to be, and I'm stressed out and freaked out by that. I don't want to have to start over. I want to be able to complain about getting up early to go to a job that I love, because even though I am not a morning person, I was fine once I got to work and was able to start helping people. It was worth it. I would rather do that than anything else.

I'm hoping that this experience ends up making me a stronger person and that I learn a lot through it. Hopefully everything will be okay soon.