Devastating Loss

This past year has been mixed with so much good and so much tragedy. The good has been getting married to my amazing husband, and having a fulfilling career. The bad is that my family has been shrinking at a dramatic rate. Last spring I lost my grandfather to cancer, which has been really hard on me, and then a few months later one of my aunts passed away from an infection from a cut in her leg. The most recent and heartbreaking happened yesterday. My 17 year old cousin died.

Taylor has always struggled with health issues and has always fought past them, which is part of why I didn't see this coming. When he was 2 he was diagnosed with leukemia and eventually made it into remission. When he was in elementary school he was put on kidney dialysis for a few years, and again, eventually was allowed to go back to normal life. As far as I know, he has been generally healthy for the most part for the last couple of years. Well, about a month and a half to two months ago we were told that he was in the ICU due to pneumonia. The pneumonia eventually went away, but his kidneys had started shutting down so they put him back on dialysis. They eventually had to put him back on a respirator as well. I don't know what it was that eventually took him as of yet, but I wish he would not have had to suffer so much of his short life.

T was an amazing kid. I haven't got to be around him much the past few years since he had moved to Missouri with his mom and sister, but before they moved, when I was in high school, I would go over to their house every single day after school. I loved being around him, even if he was just doing things like playing a video game by himself. He was so independent. I remember getting out of school early the day he was born. Before he was born I only had one other cousin who is 4 years older than me, so this meant I got to be the cool older cousin for once and try to be there for him. I'm going to miss baby sitting him and his sister, and looking forward to seeing him those random times he would come out to stay with his dad.

I'm struggling with the confusion of not knowing why someones life would be cut so short with so much suffering. I keep asking God, but I'm not blaming Him. I know there is pain, suffering and death in the world because of sin, and that God doesn't want us to struggle or hurt in any way. I'm trying to just lean on God for his comfort because I know he is right here with me, carrying me through this extremely difficult time.